There’s no one else to turn to but Crossroads

Gemma* cares for her 95-year-old Mum, living with Vascular Dementia. She shares how the Crossroads Care Caring Café lifts both of their spirits…

‘Before Crossroads Care came into our lives, I felt so alone with all of this. Mum had me when she was 45, so all my peers have younger parents who aren’t at the stage that Mum is. Thanks to Crossroads though, there are people that I can go to and ask questions, and they make me realise that I’m not going down the wrong route with my mum.

‘Caring for my mum has permeated every aspect of my life. I was never a drinker, but I don’t really go out and have a glass of wine with friends anymore because I might get a call from the paid care support worker which means I have to traipse across London to get to Mum.

‘The most difficult aspect of caring is the lack of sleep. At one point, back in 2018, I spent a month waking up with mum every hour because she just wouldn’t go to sleep.

‘Being a Carer means you stop seeing yourself as a separate person to the person you are caring for because everything you do has to work around them. I always talk about “we”; we’re completely intertwined. It’s ingrained in everything I do to think about Mum first and how things will affect her.

‘The support group at the Caring Café has really helped me. It’s a safe space where no one judges anyone else. And now, being at a later stage of caring, I feel like I have got something to contribute to people there.

‘Caring is a lonely situation made worse by the way the system has gone – so much is online and distant. You feel like organisations just say “ok, we’ve done our bit, bye bye,” so there’s no one else to turn to but Crossroads. Through Crossroads, I have got ideas on things to try with Mum and there’s always people to listen.

*Name changed to protect identities.